One Hell of a Vet Visit

Ok so I have told you all about my pug and the embarrassing and gross things she does. If you haven’t read that blog here’s the link https://thenuttybrowns.wordpress.com/2013/02/12/a-pug-named-pepe/ . It will help explain a little further why that one vet visit is just another day of complete shame as a dog owner. I resisted the urge to post this, but my hubby who didn’t have to go through the ordeal said I should. So here it goes. Feel free to laugh at my pain.
So Pepe, our pug, has bad habits that you learned about in the last blog. I left one out. It also has to do with poo. It all started back when I was pregnant with Piper and didn’t have Roscoe (our other dog I will get to him in a minute). When out in public, Pepe chooses to poop at the worse time possible. Not only does she poop, but she does it on the move as if nothing is happening. We were at a dog celebration in Uptown Charlotte. We though it was great dog to pay homage to our number one pup. How does she thank us? Buy pooping in the middle of a crowed sidewalk while walking along cool calm and collected.. So at first we didn’t know what was going on until we smelled the stench. Nothing like having to bag your dogs poop in a crowd over a ten foot distance. Josh found the whole thing funny but refused to act like he knew us for a little while.
Let me share a little bit about Roscoe then I promise to explain what happened at the vet. Roscoe is a male but more of a girl than Pepe will ever be. He is a German Sheppard/Mastiff/Sissy mix. We truly love him, but he has some issues. Issue number 1- Low brain cell count take exhibit A Once he “scooted” his way through a brier patch. No he didn’t stop and no I did not check for splinters. Issue 2- Habit for pooping in the middle of the front yard while most of our neighbors are going to work and then in the evening when they are coming home. Issue 3- The only thing he isn’t afraid of is birds that are flying away from him. If they don’t move or come toward him he pees his imaginary pants. Issue 4- He cries if you tickle his feet. Big sissy La La! And issue 5- He loves to rub up and down our couch in a very disturbing perverted way. The couch has taken a restraining order on him. It truly is a dreadful sight. Other than that he is a great dog.
So now on to the vet visit. We get to the vet and I leave the dogs in the car to sign them in. Roscoe walks full force and Pepe stops to smell everything. Not a good combo so I put off dragging them both in as long as I can. When I walk back out to my car, Roscoe is in the driver’s seat and has snotted every square inch of my window. Pepe is barking like crazy.
I finally get them moving the right direction and Roscoe runs Pepe over causing her to barrel roll. I’m pretty sure he was laughing as he did it. The Vet tech came in and said it was time to get their weight. Pepe goes out steps up on the scale and sits. Perfect! Hmmm.. maybe a little too good of a start. Then it is Roscoe’s turn. It takes everything the vet tech and I have to push him up there and hold him long enough to get the reading. By this point he is shaking like crazy and ready to go home. I didn’t have the heart to tell him what was about to happen to him.
We go back to our room. They try to get a fecal sample from Pepe. No luck. So we move on to Roscoe. Although completely embarrassed and shaking he takes it all like a champ. Then comes the nail clipping; Roscoe hates this part. So instead of standing still and just getting it over with he kicks and moves around. As we got to the last nail we smell something awful. Toxic waste worthy. Pepe is pooping and walking around the room like nothing is going on. Then Roscoe kicks as his nail is being cut and starts squirting blood. So one dog is crapping the other is shooting blood.And both dogs are running around the room stirring and spreading the mixture. Complete chaos. I was waiting to be escorted to the nearest door and told never to return. Instead the vet tech said “Well, we have a good fecal sample now” She was also impressed with how little attention Pepe displayed to the act of pooping. If you have seen the movie Ted, you will recognize the line that was stuck in my head “There is a shit on my floor”.
The rest of the visit went well and we are still allowed to come back. I did honestly ask if it was ok to still use them as our vet.
So who wants to take my dogs out in public for me?

A Pug Named Pepe

We have a pug named Pepe (pay-pay). Well since she is AKC, I had to pick two names for her, her full name is Pepe Alofa ( a-low-fa) .  It means “baby love” in Samoan.  At the time I gained approval for said pug, Josh was traveling a lot for work. I was living in Florida and he was based out of Texas. Being the female that I am, I used on him my evil powers.  After not seeing each other for a month, I told him I needed “a cute pug to keep me company” while he was on the road.  Pepe was approved of fairly easily. Ha ha gotcha, sucker.

When we moved to North Carolina a few months later, I found the perfect pug breeder up in Philippi, WV (yes, the covered bridge place). Mom and I drove over together. When we arrived at the breeder’s house, we were greeted by a pug. Well, not just any pug, the ugliest pug I had ever set eyes on. She had one eye, teeth missing, and what teeth she still had were hanging out of her mouth. Haggard doesn’t even begin to describe her looks. Plain and simple she was U-G-L-Y!! After looking at her, I began to get cold feet. What if this was my pug’s mom and this was her destiny? Soon the owner came to the door with the two cutest little baby pugs I had ever seen. The first one covered me with kisses and snuggled right into my arms. The second, assumed the most awkward pose as she was handed to me. There seemed to be something… ahem “special” about her. So which one did I choose? Of course I chose, the crazy, weird, “special”, who was also the runt of the litter.  She weighed one pound at the time and had gigantic eyes. I just hoped that maybe she would grow into the bulging eyes.

We took her to Mom and Dad’s house. She immediately bonded with my parent’s dog and they have had a special friendship ever since. At first, everyone “ooooed” and “awwwwed” over my cute pup, but soon the honeymoon was over. We learned just how “special” she was through her bad habits. First, we learned how gassy a small dog can be. I mean she can stink herself out of a room. We call it the “toot and run”. I will elaborate on one extra  gassy event a little later.

The worst habit she has, by far, is eating her own poo. Yes, we have tried everything to try to curb this habit. Every “remedy” just encouraged her to eat faster. Like I said she is special. I have been told this is “normal”.  Let me tell you, it may be common, but it sure as hell ain’t normal! Let me take this grossness a step further. When she burps, we aren’t she what end it came out of. Ewwww gross, I know!!!!!

So back to the gas issue. During her first Christmas, she insisted on eating our fake Christmas tree. We tried a lot of suggestions. We even tried Tabasco sauce.  This did not deter her. Apparently, it made a very tasty condiment and she happily licked every bit off. The next day my sister, Heather, and my future brother in law, Sam, offered to take her in their car on our caravan up to West Virginia for Christmas with Mom and Dad. Thankfully, we followed them or we would have missed the funniest moments ever. All the sudden, while driving full speed on the interstate, Heather and Sam start flailing around and all the windows were rolled down and a green gas came eeeking out of their car (well not really but you get the idea).  Turns out the Tabasco and Pepe’s digestive system were duking it out.  The Tabasco was winning.  There were many more episodes which made for a very entertaining drive. Wish I had a video of it, because you all would have loved it.

As a full grown pup (12 years old), Pepe is still stinking us out and scooping her own poo. We gave up on trying to prevent the gas and poo eating. She has earned several nicknames. There is “Super Duper Pooper Scooper” or “Poo” for short. I know it’s not ok to make fun of overweight people, but we don’t feel that applies to Pepe so we also call her “Chunky-licous”  and “Fat-apotomus”. The truth is we really do love her. Well, ok the real truth is: She loves Josh, Josh loves me, and I love Pepe.

At the time of purchase, I had to sign a “no breeding no showing” contract. I’m glad I did. Who wants the descendant of a crap eating dog? And I’m sure she would rip a big one in front of any judge without thinking twice.