We may never grow up!

After 10 years of marriage, you would think Josh would learn to pick his battles. And since we are both in our mid 30′s you would think we could act like grown ups occasionally. That’s a big fat “nope” to both

So this summer Josh ( I mean “We”) got a new car. It’s pretty and has all sorts of fancy features. He does not like to share “his” car, but that doesn’t stop me. Until yesterday. I was headed to a meeting last night and he was off to baseball with Memphis. I offered to move his car to our upper driveway and load the baseball stuff. When I asked where the keys were he got all weird and later said “I don’t want you driving my car.” I could have been a grown up about it and said “ok” and let it go or I could have yelled at him or I could be a little shit. Guess which option I picked? Of course I chose to handle the situation with the utmost maturity. I discussed my plan of action with my best friend and she seemed to approve.

I was able to make it home before Josh. So “Operation I don’t Like to Share” was put into effect. I knew I was on borrowed time and wouldn’t have time to complete my long list of ideas. I picked to the top two that I knew would get his attention.

Exhibit A-

IMG_2406I removed and hid the cord and battery pack from MY laptop.

Exhibit B

IMG_2405 I purchased the sheets that are currently on our bed. So I removed them from his side of the bed and put the comforter back on like nothing happened. This was more of a backup in case he didn’t use the laptop.

After the kids were in bed and we sat down to watch TV, I kept wishing he would grab the laptop. Finally he did get up to get it. At this point, my brain decided to think logically for a change. What if he didn’t think it was funny? My brain shrugged and said “oh well there was always a chance an argument was going to happen regardless.” I am happy to report he thought the laptop and sheets were funny and the keys to his car keys are back where they should be.

Why Can’t You Hear a Pterodactyl Going to the Bathroom?

Because the pee is silent. I couldn’t think of a good title for this post, so I used a joke. Everyone wins.

How do I thank my hubby for letting me borrow his new car? With shenanigans of course!

Step 1

Replace his music memory card with a card full of kiddie music. I made sure that the first two songs were about dinosaurs and the volume was way up.

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(Yes, the time was 1:53 am. I had been up giving Piper breathing treatments every 2 hours. So I can blame this idea on sleep deprivation right?)

Step 2

Have Bo write a note or 2

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For you youngins  Walk The Dinosaur

Throw Back Thurs.- Holy Schnakies

This is an old email I sent to my family.  My daughter Piper was only a few months old. I added my husband’s reply for your added enjoyment.

Subject: Holy schnakies!

So let me catch some of you up to speed. There is a snake in my driveway. I don’t like snakes. Being a protective mom has not helped my fear of snakes. Ok so now you know all you need to know. I tried to figure out what kind it was by looking online. Apparently, I can only handle so many snake pics in one day. I wasn’t sure if I was going to cry or throw up (or both) so I stopped. However after some serious scientific research (which included standing on a chair with a broom chucking pieces of 2×4 at the snake), I have concluded its dead. I did take a pic. which is included. You can zoom in and see the detail. Do not write back and ask me to get closer to take a pic. It will not happen! Do not email me back and tell me how small it is and how I am just a big sissy. I do not see any of you here snuggling with it. Let me know what you think it is.

Steph

Dear Sissy-Lala

It has been a long time since I have gone fishing, but that sure looks like a worm I would have used.

By the way, you better get that wood back!

Josh

Note- It turned out to be a garter snake

The ER trip

I have had a bunch of people asked what happened and why I was so sick last week. Now that I am feeling better I thought I would fill you all in.

I had a horrible couple of weeks. I had a headache for a week straight and that turned into a 2 week migraine. Lots of fun let me tell you!  It got so bad that last Tues (9/24) I couldn’t stand or do anything. I couldn’t keep ay food or liquids down. I got the kids to school safely and come home and slept (until I started puking). I called Josh at work and told him what was going on. He said to call the neurologist and he would be home early.

I called my neuro. I asked to speak to my Dr.  They were extremely helpful (sarcasm) when they called back. Not only would they not let me talk to my Dr they also said there was nothing they could do and I should go to the ER. I am glad I pay so much for their help.

I took Piper to dance and then Josh met me at home and took me to the ER. I thought the wait wouldn’t be too bad (for an ER) on a Tues early evening.  Boy was I wrong. They were swamped. I checked in and found a chair and curled up into a ball. A customer rep. came up and said “You look like you have a migraine. Do you want some warm blankets?” I said yes. She proceeded to wrap me up like a burrito.  I sat there for hours. Josh and Memphis left to pick up Piper and get some dinner. The customer rep came around again and said I look terrible and she would try to get my pushed up on the list.

Not long after, I was called back to triage. I had the blankets still wrapped around me like a mummy. They had to help unwrap me so they could get my blood pressure, pulse, temperature. Both my pulse and blood pressure were sky high. The nurse said she was going to bump me up o the list. Back out to the waiting room I went. The customer rep came around again and gave me fresh warm blankets.

Finally, I was called back to a room. The nurse came in and asked me a million questions.  Thankfully she turned off the lights. She asked me to put on a hospital gown. I did, but I found out there was a huge tear in the front so I kept on my bra. I am really glad I did because the next thing she asked me to do was pee in a cup. So I got to walk around the ER with pee cup in hand and my right boob hanging out.  I hope the other patients liked my cheetah print bra. I was too sick to care. When I got back she put a heart monitor on me and hooked up my blood pressure cuff.  Every time my pulse or blood pressure was too high the machine beeped. There was a lot of beeping. The customer rep came back in and gave new blankets again.

Just as the Dr came in my room so did Josh and the kids. The Dr asked me if I had been throwing up. I said yes . Then his phone rang and he was called out to an emergency. About 30 min. later, he came back in and asked if I could tell him how much I had “puked”. I said “Yes,  a bowl of cereal and a cup of juice all day and then some.”  He was impressed how precise I could be. Then his phone rang again and out he went to another emergency.  After a really long time he came back and said the nurse would be in to give me some IV meds. to make me feel better.

No one came in for a very very very long time. Josh actually went out and found the nurse. She said she was on her way in. Apparently it takes 30-40 mins to walk around the desk and the 5 feet to my room. She came in and saw the kids and how freaked out they were. She was great about explaining everything she was doing to them. First she had to get some blood work from me. It hurt like hell. She said it was because I was so dehydrated and then my vein blew. So she had to put in a new IV line. Not fun. The kids weren’t thrilled with the amount of blood that came out of my arm. The nurse explained that meds could make my pulse, blood pressure, and oxygen plummet. Boy was she ever right. As soon as she put in the last of the meds, I started feeling funny. She put me on oxygen to help. The she started some fluids to rehydrate me.  

I finally talked Josh and the kids into going home for a while. I could tell none of them wanted to leave but there was no reason for them to stay. I was pretty spaced out because of the meds so I just stared at the TV for a while. I had no sense of time. I watched Big Bang Theory for hours.  Josh called me and asked how things were going. He asked if I was going to be coming home soon. I told him I didn’t know because the nurse and Dr hadn’t been back in. He pointed out that it was 11:30pm. This was news to me. I thought it was maybe 9:30pm. Josh suggested I push the call button. Before I could find the call button (was pretty high on meds so this was a difficult task), the nurse came in and said I could go home.  Finally at 12:30, (6.5 hours after I arrived) I was discharged.

I have since broke up with my neurologist and started going to a pain clinic. So far I like them a lot. They will continue to give me Botox, but are hoping to help me find other more natural alternatives.

The Run

Ok so I use to run a lot. 10ks or more 3-5 times a week. I was training for a half marathon.  Then stopped running for a while. My hubby, Josh, thought it was a great idea to sign me up for a 5K. Piece of cake or so I thought.  I didn’t do any training. I kept putting it off. 3+ miles seemed like nothing compared to what I use to run (10 plus miles).

Josh wanted to take Memphis to the drag races on Saturday, so I asked Piper if she wanted to run with me. She said yes. I should point out now that the last 5K (a Girls Scout event) was stressful for me. I knew Piper could push more, but didn’t. I know how my parents felt when I didn’t apply myself in school.  Piper agreed to run with me.

I didn’t look up anything about the race ahead of time. I just showed up when and where Josh told me to.  Piper and I walk up to the sign up table and realized something.  We were at a Black Baptist event. Let me point out I am a good Methodist. I sit in the last row and enjoy a good cover dish dinner. Were we ever out of place!!!!!  I called Josh and said “ You signed me up for a race called ‘Swagga” and didn’t tell me?” He said he didn’t understand.  I then said you know  “swagger” is not a white chick term”.  All he could do was laugh. He said he understood if we wanted to come home. I said “No we are already here. We are already here. “ Plus I got a free t-shirt.Image

Piper and I were 2 of 5 Caucasian people there (one was 90 and held a world record). I guess it’s good to feel what it’s like to be a minority. We ran the race and experienced several  positive encouragements. Piper did well. We finished in 48 minutes. I know I could have finished in under 30 minutes, but getting to finish with my 7 year old daughter was worth it. She had asthma trouble and a lady offered to walk with her. But she pushed through. I am very proud of her.  We were cheered on by many and it encourage Piper to run a little faster. Now she is wanting to do another  5k. Maybe one day we will do a marathon together.

Here We Go Again- Another Visit to the Vet

Both dogs had “issues” so I made a vet appointment. I dread the vet’s office. Not because they aren’t nice or anything that could be their fault. I hate going because of my own dogs. I have one big dog (Roscoe) who drags me around and one small pug (Pepe) who has to smell everything. That coupled with the poop/blood incident last time, leads to my anxiety.

So we will start with Roscoe. He was itchy! Not normal scratching every once in a while. Constant scratching! He had a few fleas and that made his sensitive skin (he is sensitive through and through) go crazy. He licks his boy bits and thumps his legs at that the same time. Very disturbing! He chews on his butt until it’s naked.  If you fuss at him, he goes to the other room and continues his activities.

Pepe has a growth on her eyelid. It causes huge eye boogers. So gross!!!! It also is causing her eye to be irritated. Nothing normal can happen to my dogs.

So to the vet we went. They loved the car ride. I let them out of the car at the vets and they both went in separate directions. When I finally got them inside, the vet techs felt so bad for me they took me straight to a room.

First came the nail clippings. Pepe took it like a brave girl. Roscoe shook like a leaf. Then Pepe was checked out. Everything was good except for her eye. She has even lost weight.  Roscoe came next. He had a skin rash, hot spot, and… Well this one will take some explaining. Roscoe has what we call “the pocket” It really is a pocket between his boy bits and bellybutton. It’s so gross. He fills it with slobber. Well, he has licked himself so much that he gave himself a yeast infection in his “pocket”.  His hot spot had to be shaved so now he has a naked butt. All he wanted to do was get out of there. All Pepe wanted to do was rub in his face that she didn’t have the issues that he did. She kept getting in his face and barking.

Pepe was up again. She had to be checked out to make sure she was healthy enough to have surgery. The vet took her out of the room to take some blood, check her eye for ulcers and check the pressure on her eye. Have you ever seen a pug’s eye? There is definitely pressure there.  So anyway, apparently Pepe didn’t mind having her blood sucked out of her. It was the dye that they put in her eye (to check for ulcers) that angered her. From what I was told she went crazy and tried to bite the vet. There are no Hallmark cards to apologize for that. After all that we found out she is healthy enough to have surgery, even though she is 13 years old. Now we just have to figure out if she is worth the money. Just kidding. I feel she is worth every penny, but to Josh thinks she out priced herself years ago.

I am happy to report that they are both doing better. Roscoe isn’t scratching himself anymore. The licking is still an issue but he is a guy. Pepe’s eye isn’t inflamed anymore since we started the eye drops. Now to schedule the surgery.

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Frank and Beans

This is a warning- guys you may find this blog painful. Read with caution.
So one night I told Memphis to go put on his pjs. He has a pair of monkey footies pjs that he loves. I have to admit he looks pretty darn cute in them. A few minutes after he went into his room, he came screaming out to the livingroom. It turns out that he zipped himself in his zipper. Did Josh jump up to help? NO! He was too busy laughing. So I had to unzip him. All Josh would say was “Did he get the beans above the frank?” (From the Movie Something About Mary) The answer is no everything was in the right place. I went to get Memphis an ice pack, but he freaked out. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Finally he told me, he didn’t want the ice pack on his bare boy bits. I had to explain to him that there was no way my ice pack was going on his bare boy bits and he could hold it on top of his pjs. This made him a little happier. He spent the rest of the evening walking gingerly around with an ice pack. No lasting damage was done thankfully.